Mothers Who Don’t Love Their Kids

Yes, there are mothers who don’t show affection toward their children and I’ve met and treated a number of women who were deprived of their mother’s love. We all have a cross to bear, or in Five Element Philosophy, we refer to a weak link that occurs early on or in utero. The element that refers to the mother is earth. Earth is our stabilizer. She holds us, keeps us from spinning out of control. When our earth is not strong, when we don’t bond with our mothers, we walk around feeling empty and we can try to find substitute mothers to make up for the lack of nurturing we didn’t receive.

I know people who have had years of therapy in order to fill the empty hole inside themselves. One person, even though her mother passed, is still trying to prove that she’s worthy. When she was in high school, she pushed herself to be top of her class hoping to get recognition from her mother. She became a physician hoping that that would be the ticket to her mother’s heart, but a narcissistic mother will often withhold praise and if the daughter does get a hug, it’s not genuine.

Chances are the narcissistic mother is a product of a mother incapable of showing love. It’s a disorder passed down from one generation to the next. It’s a good bet that a woman deprived of nurturing is going to go overboard to get attention, a poor substitute for love. A woman deprived of love may attract a husband who is incapable of making her feel whole in which case she can nitpick him and ruin the marriage. Her kids may feel left out in the cold because a woman who feels empty and unloved cannot give to her children what she herself lacks.

Eating disorders often surface as well as female ailments. How all this can play out in a person’s life is mind boggling. The key is to genuinely find the worth inside oneself and to learn to nurture the inner child who screams for love and attention.

When the earth element (stomach and spleen meridians) are toned, a person feels grounded and can love themselves. A strong earth element allows one to develop understanding and compassion for the mothers who couldn’t deliver what the child needed. It’s an ongoing journey. We all have a wound that we try to heal. Five Element Acupuncture is the most powerful tool in my arsenal…it works on a spirit level as well as emotional and physical.